Bisexual stigmas
helps if people within these safe spaces remain open to different forms of female queerness beyond the strict label of lesbian. “The nuances, the funny and fuzzy lines, and the grey areas within our sexuality shouldn’t be reason to exclude people or box them out. People should be celebrated for being uniquely themselves, whatever that may look like, and whatever trajectory they’re on in their dating life.”
The danger of grouping very different people together into a single community is that we lose sight of their individual challenges. There’s a perception that bisexual people are chameleons of sorts, able to fit into whichever community they want. However, this often isn’t the case. Anna shared some of the stigmas of bisexuality she’s experienced, both within heterosexual and homosexual communities. “Some of the heterosexual people I’ve met have equated bisexuality with promiscuity,” she said. “People can assume that because you can be attracted to both men and women, that you are attracted to both men and women at the same time, all the time.” This attitude can cause bisexual people not to openly identify as bisexual in public. “I don’t want the reaction that comes with telling people that I’m bi. People can assume that you want to engage with both them and their partner.
Perceptions, personality and the problems with presentation
There are also stigmas with sexual presentation in the lesbian community. Within different queer communities in different parts of the world, Anna’s experienced very different perceptions of how a lesbian should look and behave. In some countries, she’s experienced the idea of a “cookie cutter lesbian,” whereby a person is expected to dress and look stereotypically lesbian, which is seen as more traditionally masculine. This can make it very difficult for a person to immerse themselves in a queer community and find the fellowship they need. “One of the many things that I just love about New York is that I haven’t had this expectation to look a certain way as a queer woman. You can be a lipstick lesbian; you can be a ChapStick lesbian; you can be a butch lesbian; you can be anything in between. There seems to be a lot more openness to the way you physically present yourself and your sexuality. Humans are dynamic; we all have our own individual paths and sexualities, some definitely more complex than others. Rather than boxing someone out or making them not feel welcome in a space for their sexuality, I really feel that our individuality and our sexuality should be nothing but embraced, supported and celebrated.”
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But bisexual people can be just as monogamous as straight people.”
Perhaps more surprising is the stigma that bisexual people receive within the queer community. “I always assumed that if you were under the queer umbrella, there would be a sense of camaraderie and overall acceptance,” said Anna. “That it’s kind of one big happy family. But oftentimes, this isn’t the case. In the lesbian community, in particular, it can be a huge red flag if you’re bisexual. Some people can think that if you identify as bisexual, you’re just a straight girl who’s experimenting and going through a phase.” It can feel hard for bisexual women to fit into a safe space where men are intentionally boxed out. That’s why it
CREDIT - PEXELS
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